A YOUNG South African doctor has ignited a national conversation on a form of domestic violence that often escapes public attention: financial abuse. In a deeply personal and widely shared video series, Dr Celiwe Ndaba laid bare how her marriage unravelled under the weight of financial manipulation and silent exploitation — a confession that has struck a chord with thousands of women across the country.
Vlogging from her car en route to work, Dr Ndaba described the emotional toll of years spent as the sole breadwinner in her household, saying she was manipulated into funding her husband’s lavish lifestyle — especially his obsession with driving a Mercedes Benz. Despite her pleas to cut back on spending, she said he refused, claiming that downgrading vehicles would make him ‘a laughing stock’, the BBC reported.
Now using her maiden name, Dr Ndaba said the decision to take out loans for his luxury car purchases was ‘the worst decision’ of her life. ‘It buried our family in debt,’ she told her followers, explaining how the burden left her trapped in a toxic relationship despite her professional success and financial independence.
Her estranged husband, Temitope Dada, did not respond to the BBC’s request for comment. However, he has since created a TikTok account, appearing in videos under the self-referential hashtag #MrBenzOrNothing, calling the allegations against him lies and labelling the divorce process as #divorcetrauma.
Still, the comment sections on Dr Ndaba’s videos have become informal support groups. Dozens of women — many professionals themselves — have opened up about similar experiences: being expected to pay rent, fund business ventures, and cover household expenses while their partners withheld income, mismanaged money, or prioritised appearances over stability.
‘You are brave to speak out so publicly. I have been suffering in silence,’ wrote one woman.
The unseen violence in middle-class homes
Financial abuse, or economic control by one partner over another, is classified as a form of domestic violence under South African law. Yet it remains largely hidden, particularly among middle- and upper-income women, who often fear public judgement or are simply unaware that what they are enduring is abuse.
Bertus Preller, a Cape Town-based lawyer, explained to the BBC that many female professionals are targeted precisely because of their success. ‘Women’s financial independence clashes with cultural norms that prioritise male authority. Success makes them a threat, and for some men, that’s intolerable.’
This abuse can manifest in various forms — from controlling access to money and preventing the victim from working, to taking out loans in her name or refusing to contribute financially. ‘It is a subtle yet potent form of domestic violence, aimed at keeping the victim under control,’ Preller said.
A generation of women shouldering too much
In one particularly harrowing story shared with the BBC, a university lecturer detailed how her husband — who had lied about his qualifications — gradually pushed her into debt over the course of their decade-long relationship. It began with small expenses, like fuel for a car he drove more than she did. It escalated to failed business investments she funded, and culminated in an eviction notice after he stopped paying rent altogether.
Despite being a victim of financial and physical abuse, she remained in the relationship for years. ‘He was very smart, and I fell in love with his dreams. But he never followed through. His pride was his downfall,’ she said. ‘Even when he had money, he would keep it to himself — drink it away with his friends. By the end, I was R140,000 — that’s about $7,560 — all in my name.’
She’s far from alone.
Dr Somila Gogoba, a financial law expert, said such abuse often stems from deep psychological roots. ‘For abusers, this behaviour may come from feelings of inadequacy or the need to dominate. For victims, the result is often worthlessness and fear, which can make it very hard to leave.’
Economic success, social punishment
New research from the University of South Africa confirms that female breadwinners are at higher risk of intimate partner violence. In a qualitative study of 10 working women who financially supported their households, only two were still married. The rest had left partners who physically or psychologically abused them.
‘Their success threatened traditional male roles,’ said researcher Bianca Parry. ‘All the women said they believed their financial power was seen as emasculating.’
Sociologist Nombulelo Shange, of the University of the Free State, points to a ‘double patriarchy’ facing Black women in South Africa. ‘At work, they navigate Western professional expectations. At home, they must conform to traditional roles. The clash often leads to resentment and control,’ she told the BBC.
Shange added that many women feel compelled to maintain a façade of harmony. ‘You’re taught to tiptoe around his ego. You think: “If I just get him the car, maybe things will be better.” But love does not require self-erasure. Nor should it demand a blank cheque.’
A digital reckoning—and a practical warning
Beyond the emotional fallout, the financial consequences are long-lasting. For many women, the aftermath includes destroyed credit scores, unpayable debt, and a loss of trust — both in partners and themselves.
Dr Ndaba’s viral confession has prompted a flood of responses from women describing how they gave their partners their debit cards to appear as though he was paying the bill, or shouldered bills silently to preserve their partner’s pride.
Dr Ndaba herself has used her platform not just to share her experience but to warn others. ‘Finance is an important part of any marriage,’ she said in one of her videos. ‘It’s not just love and flowers. It’s also budgeting, boundaries, and respect.’
Experts agree. Ms Gogoba urges women to have their own bank accounts, secure their PINs, and monitor their credit. She also stresses that love should never come with an unsustainable price tag.
‘Talk about finances early in the relationship,’ the university lecturer advised. ‘Ask about debt, background, responsibilities. Know the person behind the promises.’
A conversation long overdue
What began as a series of TikTok videos has snowballed into something much bigger—a national reckoning over gender, money, and modern partnership. For South African women who earn, lead, and provide, Dr Ndaba’s story is not an outlier. It is a mirror.
In a country where women are increasingly making financial gains but remain shackled by outdated expectations, her honesty has sparked more than sympathy — it has sparked action.
Whether that action will lead to greater legal reforms, public awareness campaigns, or more women stepping forward remains to be seen. But one thing is clear: the silence has been broken.
